Talk About Cheesecake

Musings, meanderings and meditation for my mind.


The slightest touch

Is it in the way he reaches out to hold her hand as they walk down the street? The gentle caress she places on his arm as they gaze across the water? The quick kiss they share before they turn to walk on?

Stroking her hair goodbye as he gets up in the morning for work. Arriving home and starting the evening with a hug and kiss hello. Sitting at opposite ends of the sofa with feet entwined in the middle.

A cheeky cup of her buttock while she bends over the dishwasher. A naughty pinch of his bum as he puts dinner in the cooker. Gently wiping bubbles from his face after washing up.

Holding her closely and gently running his lips over hers, pushing in with a deep and lingering kiss. Running her hands over his shoulders, pressing her body against his. Feeling his hands run over her hips and down her back.

Ruffling his hair as she passes, while he bends down to tie his daughters shoelaces. Squeezing her shoulder as he checks on his son, crying in her lap from a skinned knee.

Bringing her a coffee and a kiss while she irons. Stroking her belly while the baby grows inside. Tickling his knee as his drives.

It’s the snapshots of intimacy that bring them together, the causal touches and slightest kisses that make a couple. It’s the gentle reminders that they are thinking of each other, demonstrations of caring and appreciation that keep relationships running throughout the years, the stresses and the strain that life can bring. Take away the intimacy, take away the casual touches, holding hands and quick passing kisses and they are bereft, alone, unloved.


Enough is enough

I asked the other day when it was ok to stop trying with a relationship, be it with a friend, family or a partner.

After another week of wrestling with this question from a personal point of view, I have decided that this is it. The last stand. The final gesture.

I have not made this decision lightly. I have tried valiantly for months to resurrect a friendship which has grown awkward and inelegant with time, frustration and inconsideration.

I do not for a second think this is one sided, that there is one person to blame, or at fault. I expect both sides in this spat feel as let down as the other. Who knows who threw the first spanner into the cog of our friendship, who was the first to feel dismissed by the other? As the years have gone by, so have numerous little digs and comments that rankled but were put aside, only now to be resurrected in the game of ‘she said, she said’.

However, the time has come to accept defeat. For now.

It is time to settle back, concentrate on other aspects of my life, other friendships old and new. Expand my horizons, branch out.

They say time is a healer. Maybe in time this rift will become repaired. But like a scab it is best to let it heal over rather than to pick at it.

Time out, time for a rest, time for a change.

There is a feeling of relief in making this decision. Sadness too, but relief in giving myself permission to stop feeling responsible. To stop trying.

So the gesture has been made. If it is taken up, then all is not lost.

But if it is not, then I will relax and know that I did at least try.


There is a point we reach where we wonder, should I just stop trying?

I expect there is some sort of thought-provoking, inspirational quote from a world leading athlete which would say something along the lines of ‘you have to push past this point and keep going to succeed’.

I am sure that is true. In competition, in business, at work – in some sort of activity or task, I guess the millionaires, world changers, politicians and scientists are those who don’t give up, who forge ahead despite all obstacles in their way.

But when it comes to people and relationships there is a point when I wonder, is it ok to just stop trying?

Consider a relationship with friends. If the friendship is one-sided – with one making all the effort to arrange meet ups, nights out and coffee mornings and the other never making that first move – at what point should they stop trying?

What about a relationship with a partner? Shared history, love and companionship can be hard to give up. But when the effort is one-sided, at what point should you end it?

Harder still is the decision to stop trying with family.

Calling time does not mean necessarily to give up. It doesn’t have to be a negative to realise that being constantly rebuffed can be harmful to your self-esteem, depressing, demotivating and tiring.

Taking a stance, saying ‘no more’ can be a sign of strength. Choosing to put yourself first is not always selfish, sometimes it is self-preserving.

The hardest part seems to be recognising when that time has come.