Talk About Cheesecake

Musings, meanderings and meditation for my mind.

A word on virtual friendships.


This is a post I have been meaning to write for some time. This is a thought or two on friendships.

Virtual friendships.

When the internet first burst out of it’s box however long ago the idea that we could all chat with complete strangers was bizarre. Forming friendships with them was ridiculous. Certainly I never imagined that I would  spend more time chatting with virtual friends online than my real life companions.

But somehow that is what has happened.

Seven years ago I searched online for a forum about becoming a mother. Being pregnant was an entirely new experience, the things happening inside me were exciting and frightening, the future an unknown entity. As anyone who has been pregnant knows there are questions we want to ask. Not just the obvious medical ones – how is the baby growing, what is giving birth like? Little questions. Embarrassing questions about bodily functions for example.

I found a mums group where all of us nervous expectant mothers were due in the same month. Which was great as it meant we were going through the same changes at the same time. I joined in under a pseudonym and began my first forays in to chatting online.

To start with there were probably a hundred or more women on the forum. Some left, others joined. Over the nine months of pregnancy there were of course arguments and trolls. Even online personalities clash. But at the core of the group there were a number of continuous posters who became individuals in their own right. They stood out. I began to remember details about selected members and to have chats and laugh at jokes. Much like building a relationship in the real world we got to know each other by sharing experiences and parts of our own personal histories. Without ever actually knowing the basic information of the girls real names. After all, this was a public forum.

Our babies were born. We shared birth stories. Our babies began to grow and we told each other about their first teeth, their first taste of food. My forum friends and I discussed first birthdays and first steps.

And then along came Facebook and everything changed.

I cannot remember who first brought up the idea of having a private group on Facebook. At first it was a worrying idea, to join in with my given name and allow my virtual friends access to the real me. After all I may have been sharing intimate personal details with complete strangers online for about two years but they didn’t actually know who I was.

I umm’ed and ahh’ed but in the end the group was set up and I joined in. And there they were. The actual names and faces of about 25 of the loveliest women I have ever met. Or not met, as the case may be.

We have had a few more people leave us over time. But that’s ok. Having virtual friends means that dropping them if you want to is easy. No embarrassing encounters over shopping trolleys or awkward silences at the school gates.

What is left is a group of the most supportive women I have ever known. We don’t all agree on everything, of course. There are different viewpoints on politics, child rearing, breast feeding, education. We discuss all sorts of topics in our private group and it’s ok for us to disagree, to explore different ideas and have our own opinions.

One of our ladies lives abroad. The rest of us are spread out across the UK. Some of us have met now, physically. Some of us haven’t. It doesn’t matter. We come together in our virtual meeting place for a coffee and a chat. If one of my friends has a problem they can ‘talk’ it through online and the rest of us are supportive. If they want a rant, we can join in and rant with them. When they feel sad, we take time to cheer each other up. Between us we have a variety of work experience in different fields we can use to give each other advice. While we still talk about our children, we went far past that a long time ago.

What makes a friendship? If it’s spending time together, we do that. In fact we can chat every day, even if we just pop in for 5 minutes. Which is more time than I get to spend with my ‘real life’ friends. Shopping together – we do that too, online. Sharing worries and concerns, having a laugh, moaning about husbands, families, worrying about children. We do all that and we can share a virtual hug too.

Is this a way of life today – are online friendships becoming more common? Is it all we have time for now in our busy lives. I don’t know if our group is unusual in how close we became or if this is becoming ‘the norm’.

This is what I do know.

Seven years ago I met group of strangers online and now I am pleased to be able to call them my friends.

Author: Piper George

12 thoughts on “A word on virtual friendships.

  1. Pingback: What’s left to honor? | Spread Information

  2. I have some online friends. We will probably never meet on this side of life, but its nice to be able to communicate with them on facebook. I do have to say I met some doozies too on my blog. What’s that about? I actually heard from one of my friends that her friend would post where he was going on foursquare and then some random dude called him up while he was this restaurant and asked him to swing him over some food. This guy was like “what? No.” and so a whole new level of creepy came in to play. He doesn’t use foursquare anymore. So the internet definitely has its good and bad. I’m glad there a lot more good stories like this one 🙂

    • Mmm – not sure I want to obtain a virtual stalker. I do try to keep identifying personal remarks about my family off the blog, but I am well aware that with every post and comment there is a little more information about there that makes it easier for someone to put the pieces together to work out your real life identity. It’s scary to know how much is out there about you already.
      However, that said I have met some real strange people in real life too – some that you can’t escape from!
      I am lucky to have met such lovely ladies 🙂

  3. What a lovely post. I’ve come over all emotional.

  4. I am truly surprised at the number of online friends I’ve made over the years, but nothing like in the few months I’ve been blogging. It’s really quite amazing.

  5. There is nothing really virtual about it, friends are friends 🙂

    • It’s a strange thing, telling people you know from your ‘real life’ that you actually consider people you have not physically met to be friends. Although I suppose it is becoming more common now, a lot of my friends still find it a strange concept.

      • Just googled a definition of friend –
        “A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection”
        No mention of physically meeting, however I would say that definition is more for an acquaintance which in my mind is subtly different. I guess its all down to personal definition at the end of the day..

  6. I came to my online friends in a similar way. I used to talk about them, in real life, in vague way as “someone I know” but now I just say “one of my internet friends”. I have met some of them and feel closer to some than others in our little forum but they are definitely friends. Hurrah for the internet!

    • I refer to mine as ‘the mums’ when talking to Mr G or my ‘real life’ friends. Although some of mine have met each other and Mr G now, a few came to my wedding, so gradually we are mixing the two worlds.

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